Welcome to Identify Your Dream Mate
Welcome and I’m so sorry that you are joining us for this online course! If you are here – you’ve likely experienced a heartbreak and for that – good job for taking action to heal your heart.
Ground Zero: The Breakup
Whether it’s been a long time coming or it was a total surprise, breakups are never ever easy. This Guide to Quickly Heal a Broken Heart is designed to help you through your heartbreak process — that heartbreak could have been yesterday or 10 years ago. Let’s fix that broken heart of yours!
Step #1: Own Your Sadness
I have done this step many different ways … being strong … ignoring what happened … although, I’ll have to admit that the best way to go through this is when I group 100% of my sadness in one 24 hour period. Simply be sad about the end of a relationship – 100% – “all in” sadness. I am lucky to be able to work from home and stay in bed the whole day! If you can’t do that – I recommend that you take a sick day and just wallow in sadness. Owning your sadness helps push through your sadness. There is a world of thought that being immersed in sadness – helps expedite the completion process. Listen to and meditate to our Guided Imagery.
Guided Imagery Audio
Step #2: Get the Girls on Board
Get your heart healing team involved! Bring in your support system! Reach out to 2-3 girlfriends and then them know what is going on. A simple “we broke up” or “he broke up with me” will do. If they are a good friend, they will do what they need to go to help you through the heartbreak process. Here are some “ground rules” or “agreements” to create a safe space!
Agreement 1: As a best friend, this is the perfect thing to say to a friend who has been recently been broken up with … “I’m so sorry honey. I have your back — and you don’t need him. There are better men out there! Let’s find a place for you to mingle with AMAZING men!”
Agreement 2: Take her out to distract her!
Agreement 3: Check in with her and ask her how she’s handling the breakup and gently encourage her to move on to dating, or getting online, or continue to distract her.
Agreement 4: Point out all of the terrible things about him. Remind her why she doesn’t want to be with him.
Agreement 5: Depending on how the heartbreak went, she may be sad, or scared, or hurt, or heartbroken. Help her heart to heal by being kind and continuing to encourage her to move forward.
Step #3: Clear Your Space and Your Self
This one is new to me … and I now swear by it! I started with clearing out the space around me by diffusing some essential oils – I started with Clary Sage (for cleaning out the space), then added White Angelica (for protection), then added Valor (for courage) – seemed like a good scent mix … let that run in my diffuser for DAYS! Then, one of my friends who is a Reiki Practitioner mentioned that I should dry brush, AND THEN I remembered that there was a shower version of “washing that man right out of your hair”! That really really really helped – crazy, I know! I did the dry brushing version, as well as, the shower negative energy away. I highly recommend both – here are directions. How to Dry Brush. How to Wash that Person Right Out of Your Life.
Step #4: Take Time to Heal Your Heart
Whatever you do for self care – do that. If self care isn’t your thing, here are a few ideas: get a massage or Reiki session; go to the gym, for a run or work off some of that energy; or go to yoga and get Zen again. One of the things that makes me feel better is going to fund-raisers and benefits – taking your focus off of yourself and thinking about contributing to others, getting you get to mingle again — are all helpful ways to continue the process of healing your heart.
Step #5: Read Rejection Article (twice, maybe three times)
This article showed up on my Facebook Feed at exactly the right time! Read it numerous times! It sinks in the more you read it.
The greatest, yet most obvious point about rejection …
We do this type of thing a lot, don’t we? How many times have we refused to see we’re being rejected, no matter how obvious?
Step #6: Get Present to How Amazing and Delicious You Are!
When I was broken up with — he took a few verbal cheap shots before I walked away. Somehow, those last few hurtful statements, as well as, my own insecurities continue to resonate in my brain space. It takes “something” to get both your own and other people’s negative thoughts out of your head. Take some time to journal and write down all of your good characteristics. Really “get” that what anyone says is more about them than about you! Fill out the Awesome Me Worksheet.
Step #7: Get Present to What Did Not Work
When breakups happen – we often think a great deal about the good that happened during the relationship. We are not going to do that – we are going to think of the gaps, what was missing, what you didn’t like, and really look at why one or the other of you moved on! Write yourself a list of the things you overlooked and get judge-y about what you didn’t like. Then think about how easy it is to find those things in someone else! Why he sucks and I should forgive him worksheet.
Step #8: Develop Your Dating Game Plan
Time is of the essence, we only have 60-100 years to live in this life and we are going to make every minute of it AWESOME! This is a wallowing free zone! First, scrub up your public game: BE GORGEOUS IN PUBLIC and GET ON YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA FABULOUSNESS. Delete the photos of the ex (believe me, you don’t want to see them in a year). Post happy you photos. Post hopeful quotes. And appear happy, even if you have to fake it for a bit. Then, once your public profile looks good, it’s time to start looking around for new dating prospects. Are there any interested parties that have been circling and waiting for you to be singled up? Reboot your online dating apps. Ask your friends if they know anyone great to set you up with. You don’t have to take action on anything right now. Begin moving your intentions from wallowing to the future, now! Check out our next course!
Step #9: Subtly Announce Your Singleness
If you’re nice, fun and a good person … there may be someone waiting in the wings, not even knowing that you are available! Take the opportunity to drop a hopeful, subtle hint about your being single. Share with your friends. Ask if they know anyone good for you. Online dating is tough if you don’t have tons of time to waste – getting a referral can shortcut knowing is someone is quality or in question. And there are many, many people who are amazing who are online. Go out to dinner alone. Complete items on your bucket list. Life your life and be happy! See examples below …
Step #10: Be Open Hearted and Move On
We all hear so many stories about how to shut your heart down and protect your heart from hurt again. I’m going to say something that flies in the face of all logic. How to get over being hurt is to open your heart even wider! This logic is highly unconventional, and let’s put the past in the past and look towards our bright future (if you can dream it, you can do it). As we move into the next phase, which is preparing yourself to be “single and ready to mingle” – being open hearted is the quickest pathway to happiness!