I think most girls were raised hoping to find their Prince Charming or Knight in Shining Armor … settle down, get married and live happily ever after. A portion of the population of people do find love and have life long love. Others, are not so lucky (or should I say strategic)? In this world of immediate gratification, the sexual revolution and when everyone is trying to keep up with the Joneses … how do we truly have authentic, loving relationships?
It’s 2018, we have online dating, all kinds of crazy hookup sites for married and single people and a myriad of other ways to generate meet and intimacy quickly but it seems to be mostly without depth.
The more I think about online dating, the more I believe in these truths that I have identified for myself:
- How I create my profile extends an invitation for how people relate to me. This includes the writeup, photos, and the initial and longer term communications. If a woman has even one booby picture – that is pretty much an invitation to be spoken to with less than 100% respect. Put your physical self out there and men will focus on that. Men are visual … it’s easy to get focused on the physical rather than equally among physical, emotional, mental and spiritual planes.
- Men are interested in sex with women … among other things. (The bad guys ruin it for all guys.) “Women need a reason to have sex with a man. Men only need a place.” This is a telling statement which was shared with me on a first date with a Tinder guy – he was amazingly authentic. The ‘take away’ from this statement is … there are a portion of men in the population that will figure out the communications you need to hear to have sex with you to give you a “reason”. Don’t fall for it women!
- The sexual revolution ruined love and marriage. I think we can all agree that there is nothing more powerful than an amazing orgasm – and we all know that amazing sex doesn’t equal a great long term, loving relationship. It doesn’t mean the person you’re with is a good person, or a match in any way. It means one or both people, have figured out the machinery of orgasms. I know it’s very unromantic – but it’s all about biology and machinery … and not about love or romance.
- Just because there is chemistry – it still doesn’t mean it’s a good fit! (Holy heck, this is getting complicated) I mentioned the four planes of human beings earlier: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual – just because everything in those four areas work, and even more than work … you could have mind blowing chemistry and it still doesn’t mean it’s a good fit. A great example is if the person you’re dating isn’t willing to make time on a regular basis or after a reasonable amount of time commit to you longer term … why bother? There are a few other components that are important … are they paying the amount of attention to you that you need? Do they speak your love languages? Do you feel safe, honored and cherished? And, are they actually someone who you are willing to spend the rest of your life with? There are certain characteristics that I cannot personally live with … I know what those characteristics are, I am aware of them, and I avoid them.
- Just because I swipe right – doesn’t mean I need to keep them forever (and just because you’ve been dating someone for 1 date or 10 years, doesn’t mean you need to keep them either). I’ve been having many, many conversations about relationships – people get comfortable and then stay in relationships forever … happy, nope. Satisfied, nope. Fight all the time, yes. Complain about their partner, yet. This seems CRAZY to me.
All in all — we are all seeking love in our different forms. Although, in conversations and watching dating advice sites it seems as though folks have a difficult finding themselves ‘good enough’ and ‘worthy’ enough for love. Our commitment is to help women (and good men) develop the confidence to boldly go forth and find their great love.
Some of our future topics include:
- When to NOT swipe right.
- When to block immediately.
- All about flags. Red and yellow flags.
- Identifying the perfect person for you.
- … and many many more …